What’s with all the Sweetcorn?

I have a problem with British cuisine. A small, yellow problem.

Fish and chips? Love it. They’re a significant, if occasional, part of why I’m pescetarian, rather than a strict vegetarian. British sweets? Oh, yes. Those two great staple foods, curry and Chinese? Yum. Prawns? They can fill in for shrimp any day.

When it comes to pizza, though, that’s a whole different buffet table.

For starters, any old takeaway thinks it can produce a decent pizza at a reasonable price. It can’t. Cheap British takeaway pizza tastes rather like you’d expect: bloody awful. There’s usually a hint in the menu. If the same place also makes burgers, curries, kebabs, and so-called “Southern style fried chicken” – and no, I don’t think they mean the way people fry chicken in, say, Swindon – you’re best steering clear.

There’s only one takeaway that makes good quality pizza, and that’s an American chain which charges the sort of prices I’d expect to pay at the Ivy, or the Ritz. Assuming the Ivy and the Ritz did takeaway, or would lower themselves to serve the likes of me.

Another quibble about British pizza: what’s with all the sweetcorn, guys? Sweetcorn, on pizza? Sweet Sister of Fate, but are you mad? Why further ruin a perfectly inadequate pizza by putting sweetcorn on it?

The British – I’m taking off my flat cap now, and putting on my baseball cap: that’s what happens when you have dual nationality – have a thing about sweetcorn.

I’m beginning to think they just can’t help themselves. Lead a Brit to sweetcorn, and it’s like a little kid on the first day of school holidays. They run riot: sprinkling it on not just pizzas, but in salads, tuna pasta, you name it. It’s quite sad, really.

Britain, take note. You have nothing to lose but your sweetcorn.

About Sheila N

Enough about me. Art by Tom Brown.
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7 Responses to What’s with all the Sweetcorn?

  1. TinaSuz says:

    I think I know to which chain you refer, and they still offer pretty much the ‘traditional’ type of pizza here, as well. However, you can find all kinds of things on pizza here. My favorite is spinach, eggplant and goat cheese…yum! Can’t bear chicken on pizza it doesn’t belong on pizza or on salads, but that’s just me. I’ve not seen sweet corn on pizza, but I’m betting some place, somewhere does it. Come to that, haven’t seen it as an option for omelets either. Have dessert pizzas shown up there? Not sure about that, though I’ve never had one…

    • sjn25 says:

      Desert pizza? Not over here – yet? – as far as I know…

      • TinaSuz says:

        Oh, yes. Chocolate fudge pizzas, strawberry shortcake pizza…that’s just a start. Most of the ‘regular’ pizza places don’t have them, e.g., Pizza Huts. It’s mostly the ones that specialize in ‘pizza buffets’.

  2. FirstEdition says:

    As a born Brit with a large portion of Irish genes I have to say that I quite definitely do not have a thing for sweetcorn – well not in the way you describe. Tuna and sweetcorn sandwiches – YUCK!
    Tuna pasta bake – I regret to say my brother makes that, his sons love it, but me, I think it is GHASTLY. Sweetcorn on pizza – what can I say apart from Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

    Now, a nice juicy barbecued pork chop with some sweetcorn tossed in butter and black pepper – that’s the way to eat sweetcorn. A whole corn on the cob, in its leaves, soaked in cold water for an hour or so and then put on the barbie to cook whilst being regularly turned – scrumptious with butter. But anything else – this Brit says Absolutely Not.

    • sjn25 says:

      Corn on the cob, properly done, = bliss. Sweetcorn – or corn, as I was brought up to think of it – is also quite nice when processed into corn flour, and used to make proper Southern cornbread, or johnnycake.

      On pizza? Surely you jest?

  3. David North says:

    Sweet corn on Pizza? How’s that going to hurt cheese on toast?

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