With the televisual event of 2014 less than a fortnight away, here’s one of those quizzes for those of us seeking reassurance that we are in fact Evil Alien Spawn Totally Devoid of Pity (pronounced: “PIT-TEE!?”)
1) When faced with imminent plans for world domination, do you say:
A) It’s da bomb!
C) But won’t that impact badly on the environment?
D) Will it include a cold finger buffet, or three course dinner?
2) You get a chance to kill your deadliest enemy. Do you:
A) Take time out to gloat … after all, you have nothing definite booked til a week Saturday. Or at least around five nanoseconds from now.
C) Question authority.
D) Have an evil chat over a nice cup of tea, and a biscuit.
E) Gloat for a moment or two – long enough to spit out something pithy, then, EXTERMINATE!
Q. 3) You chance upon another Dalek, who turns out to be a bit … different …from yourself. Do you:
A) Zot first, ask questions later!
C) Take the time to get to know them – after all, it’s through our differences that we discover our greatest strengths.
D) Discover where they’ve hidden their stash of Jelly Babies, then…EXTERMINATE!
E) Cut to the chase – no, not that one – and EXERMINATE!
Q. 4) When decorating, do you:
A) Decorating? Is that something the hu-man slaves do when they’re not breaking up rocks to reach the earth’s molten core?
B) What is decorating? It is not entered in my memory banks.
C) Pastels are always nice!
D) Have a lovely cream tea, whilst you figure out what this “decorating” is.
E) EXTERMINATE the decorator!
Q. 5) Davros is back! Do you:
A) Say “What, him, again?” Supress a yawn, then Exterminate!
B) Secure him, then see what you can get out of him to your advantage.
C) Make sure you book the meeting room which has the best Davros-access.
D) Make a booking for two at your local Nandos.
E) EXTERMINATE him!
Q. 6) Flats, or heels?
A) Do I get to hover when I wear them? Huh? Huh? Will there be hovering?
C) It depends how tall my “plus-one” is: after all, I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable.
D) Dunno … is it elevenses yet?
Mostly As: Whilst your enthusiasm is commendable, you may need to get in touch with your inner-Dalek.
Mostly Bs: You’re a Dalek, all right, but I’m sorry to say you’ll never be more than explosion-fodder.
Mostly Cs: Hmm … have you considered an alternate career as a hippy, or perhaps a facilitator?
Mostly Ds: Has anyone ever told you that you think with your stomach a lot?
Mostly Es: CONGRATULATIONS. YOU WOULD MAKE A GOOD DALEK.