More recently, I found myself wondering how a child/children with such, shall I say, eccentric parents would rebel, once they reached the appropriate age.
Since there’s now zero chance of any kids of mine ever existing, let alone reading this, I’ve had a think, and come up with:
List of Things Our Non-existent Kids Could Have Done to Rebel Against Us, in No Particular Order:
1. Say that Doctor Who is a) stupid, b) borrrring, c) a children’s show, d) all of the above.
2. Become a card carrying member of UKIP, the English Dems, BNP, English Defense League, or the Conservative Party.
3. Knock on our neighbours’ doors, and try and talk to them about Jesus. Note: “try”.
4. Tell us, loudly and frequently, that reading is boooorrrring.
5. Tell either parent, particularly his mum, that recycling is a waste of time.
6. Dislike animals, and tell their mum that she shouldn’t feed the birds.
7. Watch East Enders, Hollyoaks, or virtually any reality show which isn’t history or social history related, and talk loudly and frequently about how interesting these programmes are.
8. Listen to hip-hop. On second thought, that might have been inevitable: rebellion, or no rebellion.
9. Tell us how the NHS is crap, and the American system of healthcare is the way to go.
10. Be a bully.
11. Be rude.
12. Cycle on the pavement, after the age of 12.
13. Spit on the pavement.
15. Talk disrespectfully about people with disabilities: mental, physical, or both.
16. Make frequent use of the ‘f word’, not as the spice of anger, or to make a point, but as though they weren’t aware of the existence of any other adjective.
17. Become a Creationist.
18. Become a Dawkinsite.
19. Describe any of the following as booorrrring: art, history, museums, nature walks, music, watching the birds, chocolate.
20. Roll their eyes at a restaurant when Mum asks to see the sweet menu.
21. Come to think of it, roll their eyes.
22. Refer to us weirdos because we have a Dalek in the front room.
23. Speak up during a first broadcast of Doctor Who.
24. Go on and on about how if Mum is a vegetarian, why does she only eat one sprout a year?
24. Dust. And appear to enjoy it.
25. Iron. As above.
26. Diss T Rex in front of their father.
27. Tell their mum that she shouldn’t write lists about them.